Happily Never After
by SWWoman
Summary: Someone from John's past who is supposed to be dead is not dead after all. Will they destroy the team?
1. Chapter 1 – New Old Number

**As usual, I don't own any character that has appeared on the show.**

**Thanks to ReeseIsLAVAHot for the Beta!**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – New Old Number**

John opened his eyes slowly. The warm spring breeze ruffled the curtains in the windows and he could tell by the amount of the light in the room that the sun was just now coming up over the city.

Joss Carter stirred against his side. John looked down at his lover. She was still fast asleep and from the slight smile on her face, she must have been having a pleasurable dream. John gently pushed a lock of hair that had fallen across her face back and tucked it behind her ear. She looked so peaceful and beautiful that John had to smile at her.

John glanced up at the clock, the alarm would go off in about fifteen minutes so he decided to simply lie there and enjoy the feel of her body against his. Sometimes, despite everything he had been through in his life, despite all the evil he had seen and done, he felt like the luckiest man on the planet. Lying here like this with his beloved Joss in his arms was one of those times.

* * *

Harold Finch made it to the library especially early this morning. He'd had trouble sleeping again because of the pain that was his constant companion, so he decided to get up and go into work. He knew he would not see Reese for a couple of hours but he figured that he would get a jump on the new number that was sure to be waiting for them. The more information he had waiting for Reese, the faster John could investigate and neutralize the threat, whatever it was.

As Finch walked by the pay phone two blocks down from his home, it rang. He smiled and answered it. The familiar voice rattled off the information that would lead him to the new number and a new person to save.

Finch limped into the computer room of the library and booted up his equipment. He did his customary check on the whereabouts of all his "people" as he thought of John, Joss, Joss's son Taylor, Joss's partner, Lionel Fusco, and his beloved Grace. Fusco was still at his apartment, Grace was at home, and John, Joss and Taylor were still at the Carter apartment. They were all just where they all should be at this time of the morning. Harold imagined that they were probably just rolling out of bed to start the day, except Grace. Grace slept late.

So far so good.

Finch quickly assembled the new number from the information the Machine had given him a few minutes before. It looked vaguely familiar, which unsettled him. Repeat numbers were often battered women and Finch hated those cases because of what they did to his partner. They reminded Reese of his lost love, murdered by her abusive husband and they always put John in a very dark place for days afterward. Finch had gotten in the habit of warning Joss whenever they had a one of those cases so she could be prepared. Lately though, Joss had reported that it was not taking John nearly as long to emerge from that dark place. Finch hoped that time and a new love, was healing old wounds.

Finch sighed; he had better get to it.

He typed in the number, and his face went white at the picture and name that appeared on the screen.

"No, it's not possible!" he gasped.

* * *

The man watched the tall, blonde woman walk to her car in the apartment parking lot just as he did every morning. She was dressed in her usual scrubs and her hair was tied back in a ponytail. She looked around furtively, as if she knew she was being watched.

Of course she knew she was being watched; he had let her know long ago that he watched her every move.

He watched eagerly as she reached her car and saw the lovely red rose he had left for her on the windshield. The rose was red for passion and love, because they were soul mates. But she was not pleased to see it. She picked it up, looked around to see if anyone was watching and threw it on the ground. She made sure she ran over it when she backed out of her parking space.

The man pressed his lips together in a thin line. He was quite angry that she had refused his gift. He was going to punish her for that. She was his soul mate and she had no right to refuse his gifts.

* * *

John was dressed and standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with arms crossed as he glared at the coffee machine as if that would make it brew faster, when he got the call from Finch.

"John, we have another number, but…but it's out of the ordinary. Do you think Jocelyn could accompany you here this morning?"

John was curious and nervous. Finch had never asked for Joss to come with him to the library first thing in the morning before. "I'll ask her."

"Please tell her it's important, very important." Finch emphasized the last two words.

John was puzzled, "Alright, I'll let her know."

Taylor strolled into the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal. "Good morning," John greeted him.

"No such thing as a good morning," the teenager grumbled. "Got a Trig test today."

"You spent a lot of time with Finch over the weekend; you should be prepared."

"Yeah, yeah. Just not feeling the test thing today."

"Understandable. But you'll do fine."

"Good morning, boys," Joss chirped as she walked into the kitchen fresh from her shower.

"Good morning, beautiful," John pulled her to him and gave her a quick peck on the lips while Taylor made gagging noises in the background. Joss threw Taylor a dirty look as she disengaged from John. John couldn't help grinning at his family.

"Finch wants you to come with me this morning if you can. There is something about the new number that has him upset." He told her as he poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her.

Joss looked puzzled while she sipped her coffee, "What could have him upset? I suppose I can go with you. I'll call Lionel and have him tell the Captain I'm following a lead on the way into work so I'll be late."

* * *

Joss and John walked into the computer room in the Library together, smiling and talking like the happy couple they were, and had been for months now. Finch looked up from his monitor, plainly unhappy. What he had to say to his friends could destroy their happiness.

"We're here. What's up, Finch?" Joss asked as she hung her jacket on the coat rack by the door and then stooped to give Bear a hello scratch.

Finch licked his lips nervously, "We have a new number and this may be the hardest case we have ever had. Please take a look."

John and Joss walked around the table to see the monitor. John gasped and Joss's hand flew to her mouth.

The picture on the screen was of Jessica, John's supposedly dead girlfriend. The one they had thought had been killed by her abusive husband; the one whose death had helped send John spiraling down into depression, alcoholism and near suicide.

John glared at Finch, "What is this, some sort of sick joke?" Joss just squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them again like she was trying to will the picture away.

Finch shook his head sadly, "If only it was," he said throwing a sad look at Joss, who was still standing with her hand over her mouth like she was going to be sick. "The Machine gave me Jessica's number a couple of hours ago. Last time the Machine gave us a number of a dead person…"

"…that person turned out to be alive. Yes, I know Finch," John snarled. His eyes were hard and cold.

Joss sat down heavily in a chair. "I saw the coroner's report. I talked to medical examiner myself, that son of a bitch lied to me." Bear, aware something was very wrong, gently nuzzled her, trying to comfort her as best he could. He whined a bit when she didn't respond.

John looked up when he heard Bear's whine and noticed for the first time how upset Joss was. He walked over and knelt next to her. "Hey, hey, it will be OK. "

Joss looked over at him. "You can't promise that, John," she said softly. "You have no idea how you will feel when you see her again after all these years of carrying a torch for her." John looked stunned.

"Joss..." he said laying his hand on her cheek. He didn't know what to say.

Joss shook her head, "Don't John, you can't promise me anything," she said. She stood up, "I need to get to work." And she left quickly without saying good bye.

John watched her go, still in the kneeling position by the chair she had just vacated with a devastated expression on his face. Bear whined again and nuzzled John. Finch's chest hurt. At that moment he wished he had just ignored the number and left Jessica to her fate. She was supposed to be dead; he should have let her stay that way.

"I'm sorry, John."

"Joss and I have been so happy. How could she think …?"

"You mean just because you nearly drank yourself to death over Jessica?" Harold said kindly.

"Point taken, Finch." John said sadly as he stood up from the floor. He sat down heavily in the chair that Joss had just vacated and leaned forward with his forearms on his knees.

Finch took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "John, how do you want to proceed? I won't blame you if you don't want to work this case, I can ask Fusco…"

"No, I owe Jessica. I told her I would come for her and I didn't. If she is in danger now, I owe it to her to come for her this time."

Finch turned his chair to look directly at his partner. "Even if it means you lose Jocelyn?" Finch asked softly.

"I won't lose Joss. I'll make her understand," John said fiercely as his eyes bored into Finch's

"If you say so, John," Finch said dubiously as he looked away.

"Call Fusco, have him keep an eye on Joss for me. I'm going to New Rochelle to talk with a certain M.E.," John said grimly.

Finch punched the preset for Fusco on his phone as John walked out the door.

"What's up, Finch?" Fusco growled into the phone.

"Detective, we have… a situation. You need to stick very close to Detective Carter."

"Dammit, is HR after her again? I don't see why John just doesn't blow them all away," Fusco snapped irritably.

"No, it's not HR, not this time." Finch paused and took a deep breath. " It seems Mr. Reese's former love Jessica is alive."

Fusco froze in shock, his coffee cup halfway to his mouth. "No kidding? The blondie in the picture? Does Joss know?"

"Yes, I'm afraid she does. And she's quite upset."

Fusco carefully put his coffee mug down on his desk. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of her."

"I know you will, Detective. Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything, anything at all." And Finch ended the call.

* * *

Fusco set down his phone and let out a long breath. Jessica, ALIVE? Yeah, Joss would be upset all right. He rubbed his hand over his face. Fusco knew a big mess in the making when he saw one and this was bound to be a doozy. And this time, it was personal. John, Joss and Harold had helped him get out of HR and back on the right path. This could threaten the team that had become an incredibly important part of Fusco's life.

He looked up as Joss walked in, looking a bit ill. Fusco walked over and sat next to her at her desk like they did when they were going over case files.

"Finch called me. You OK?" He said softly so no one else could hear.

Joss gave a Lionel a look that broke his heart, "No," she confessed.

Lionel squeezed her hand under the desk and said in a whisper, "John loves you to distraction, Joss. I know it. Don't do this to yourself."

"He loved her first. He loved her enough that he nearly killed himself over her. I don't think he ever really let go of her," Joss couldn't bring her self to meet Lionel's eyes. She was afraid she would see pity there and she couldn't bear that. She had no way of knowing that all she would have seen was a friend's caring and concern for her.

Joss's phone buzzed, she glanced at it, _Meet at the diner for lunch_ the text message read. She looked across at Fusco, he was looking at his phone too, their eyes met and they nodded. Finch had invited both them. Lionel replied that they would be there.

Joss sleepwalked through the rest of the morning. Lionel ran interference for her so she was able to spend it sitting at her desk, pretending to work. No work got done.

* * *

They met Finch at his favorite diner a few hours later.

"Have you heard from John, yet?" Joss asked.

"No, and I haven't really expected to. I called you here because wanted to talk to you," Finch said gently.

"Don't worry Finch. I won't get in the way of protecting Jessica or solving this case," Joss said sadly.

Finch looked hurt. "I know you won't Jocelyn. But I also know you're hurting."

"Finding out that my boyfriend's dead lover is alive and well? Her number came up, so now John has to go rushing off to rescue her from whatever danger she is in like some kind of heroic White Knight. Yeah, that hurts alright," Joss said staring down at the Formica table top.

"Jocelyn, John loves you. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he protects you…" Harold started to say.

Joss looked at Finch with her big, dark eyes glistening with tears. "Harold, you don't understand. Jessica is his fantasy woman. He has idealized her to the point that she's not even human anymore. You know how it is when someone dies, everyone starts talking about them like they were some sort of saint. They focus on the good and forget all about the bad. All those years of carrying a torch for her just made her larger than life and absolutely perfect in John's head."

Joss paused and looked down at the table. "I'm just the person he settled for because he thought she was dead," she whispered.

"Jocelyn, that's not true. John let her go long before he even met you because she couldn't handle who he was, what he needed to do. Since then, John has only gotten more committed to the cause of protecting people. You don't just accept that, you share it. She will never be able to take your place. She wanted him to change, to be something he isn't, something he doesn't want to be."

"He wants to be normal, have a family. She's his chance," Joss whispered again.

Fusco broke in, "Joss, John does love you. You and Taylor are his family."

Joss looked over at her partner, "In his mind right now, she is Saint Jessica. She has no flaws. I can't compete with that."

Both men shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say next. Secretly, they were afraid that Joss might be right.


	2. Chapter 2 – The Coroner and the Doctor

**Chapter 2 – The Coroner and the Doctor**

John drove towards New Rochelle in a dark mood. Jessica was alive, he should be happy, he should be thrilled. He had nearly killed himself thinking she was dead. How many lonely nights had he lain awake wishing for this?

But he had moved on. He was building a life, a very good life, with Joss and Taylor. He had a family. He had Finch and the numbers; he had a purpose.

But then he thought back to those 4 days in Mexico. Four perfect fucking days, four days where he felt nothing but happiness and it had been due to HER. He had never quite recaptured that exact care-free feeling since. So much had happened to him since then. Could he go back to being that same naïve, stupidly in love guy? Could he possibly wipe out the intervening years like they'd never happened? Could he go back and fix his mistakes?

He remembered what he had told Joss during the interrogation at Rikers, "If you don't get out, pretty soon all you know how to be is a soldier." He had meant it. All he knew how to be was a soldier of some kind or another and Jessica had made it clear the she did not want a soldier. So he had left her, not because he wanted to be a soldier, but because he _needed_ to be a soldier.

Joss on the other hand understood his burning need to be on the front lines, fighting the good fight because she had that same exact need. She had been fighting by his side almost since the beginning of his association with Finch and the numbers. She'd saved his life so many times he had lost count. Joss got and, more importantly, accepted him in a way no one else ever had.

However, John had often wondered what if he had made different choices. What if he had not left Jessica behind, but left the Army and married her.? What if they'd had couple of kids and bought a house in the suburbs. John thought about the families he had met during his time in the suburbs; those families seemed happy and happiness was not an emotion that John had felt often in his life. He loved Joss, he loved Taylor, but he had to wonder about the road not taken. Now he might have a chance to take that road.

His mind snapped back the present as he pulled up in front of the New Rochelle ME's office. Time to go to work. He walked in and poured on the charm to the middle aged receptionist.

John handed her the badge he carried. "Hello, I'm Detective Stills from the NYPD. I need to see the doctor about a case he autopsied a couple of years ago. Is he available?" And he smiled his most devastating smile at her.

While John didn't think he was particularly handsome, he was not unaware of the affect his smiles had on the ladies. It had come in handy quite often. This smile had the hoped-for effect; the middle-aged receptionist twittered like a twelve year old and handed the badge back to him, "I'll check for you" she chirped and picked up the phone. "There is a detective from the City here in the lobby to see you sir." Pause. "Of course sir." She hung up the phone and smiled at Reese, "He can see you right now, Follow me."

Reese followed her back to the office labeled Dr. Bates, Medical Examiner. "Thank you, you have been very helpful," he smiled that devastating smile again. The receptionist blushed, stammered, "You're welcome," and scurried off with a backward glance before she turned the corner.

Reese knocked on the door and opened it when the occupant called out "Come in."

Reese walked in the office, carefully shutting the door behind him. He pulled out the badge yet again. "Hello, doctor, I'm Detective Stills from the NYPD."

The doctor took the badge examined it and returned it to Reese. He waved his hand at the chair across the desk from himself, "Please have a seat Detective, what brings you up here to our neck of the woods?"

John settled into the chair. "The Jessica Arndt case. I had a few questions."

"Well, I already told everything I know to the last detective that was here before. Carter, I think her name was." The doctor was nervous. The signs were subtle, but Reese saw them.

"Yes, but you didn't tell her the whole truth, did you?" Reese made it more of a statement than a question.

The doctor looked startled and stared at Reese like a deer in the headlights. Reese maintained his calm, professional demeanor, just sitting quietly and looking at the doctor, waiting to see what he would do next.

"Are you calling me a liar, Detective?" the doctor desperately tried to pretend to be outraged, but it came across as more scared than anything to someone who knew the signs. And John knew the signs.

"Yes, doctor, I am. I have it on good authority that Ms. Arndt is alive and I would really appreciate it if you would cut the crap." John's eyes were as hard as diamonds as he stared, unblinking, over the desk at the frightened doctor.

The doctor started to get up out of his chair, "Detective, I am going to have to ask you to leave now…"

In a flash Reese was up and out of his chair and around the desk. Before the doctor could blink he was bent backwards over his desk with one of Reese's hands on his throat and the cold hard steel of a Glock pressed to his cheek.

"Like I said, doctor, cut the crap. Jessica Arndt is alive and her life is in danger. I have to find her before the person who wants her dead does, so I'm a bit pressed for time." John was deadly calm, and Dr. Bates found that a lot more scary than if Reese had been in a towering rage.

The doctor squeaked in terror. "I was just trying to help! Her husband was abusive; ask the other detective, she saw the x-rays! There were so many broken bones!"

John maintained his calm. "You're a real humanitarian. Where is she?"

"I..I don't know, I swear! Her friend took her. All I did was fake the autopsy report so everyone would think she was dead."

"Tell me the story, Doctor, what happened?" John whispered.

"After the car accident, she was taken to the hospital. Her..her friend Susan, was the doctor on duty. She had Mrs. Arndt declared dead and brought here. But she wasn't dead. Susan begged me to help, to fake the autopsy report so her husband would not find her. I just wanted to help, she had so many injuries. I had to do something. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I had sent that poor woman back to that monster."

"What is Susan's last name? Does she still work at the hospital?"

"I don't know her last name, I swear. I all I know is Mrs. Arndt called her Susan. I think she's still at the hospital, I see her around town sometimes."

John returned his gun to his waistband at the small of his back and stepped back, allowing the doctor to get up from the desk. "Thank yo,u Doctor; you have been very helpful."

The doctor hung his head, "I suppose you're going to report me to the medical board now?"

John shook hi head. "No, you honestly thought you were doing the right thing. Don't do anything like this again, as a very dear friend keeps telling me, there are rules for a reason."

"Is Mrs. Arndt really in danger?"

"Yes, I believe she is."

"Then I hope you find her."

John nodded and left.

John sat in his car in the parking lot, absorbing what the coroner had told him. John was shaken to his core. Jessica was really alive after all this time.

There was a time when John would have given anything to hear those words. So many nights he had dreamed that she was alive and in his arms. There was time when his heart would have soared to hear it and he would have moved heaven and earth to find her.

Now, he was conflicted. He wasn't alone, he had Joss and they had a good life together. But it wasn't a normal life. It was a life full of danger and sacrifice. It was a life of long nights spent away from home and never being able to make plans with the one he loved.

John tapped his phone, "Finch?"

"We're here John."

John instantly understood what Finch meant; Joss and probably Lionel were there too. "Spoke with the coroner. Jessica is alive. She had a doctor friend declare her dead in the emergency room after the accident and the coroner, out of pity, falsified the autopsy report to fool Peter into thinking she was dead. I need you to hack the hospital records and get me the name of the doctor. All I know is the first name is Susan. The coroner doesn't know where Jessica is now, but I'm betting that Susan does."

Joss's voice broke in, "I saw the death certificate when I was in New Rochelle. It was signed by a Dr. Susan Hollister." There was a slight quiver in her voice and John's heart nearly broke at the sound of it. But that was his Joss, she would work this case to the best of her ability despite how the outcome might affect her. It was the right thing to do and Joss would always strive to do the right thing. A lump rose in his throat just thinking about it.

"Thanks, babe. I love you," John said softly and ended the call.

Back at the diner, Fusco slipped an arm around Joss's shoulders as she sat with her head down and her hands in her lap.

John drove to the hospital and once again flashed his badge, asking for Dr. Hollister. He was escorted in a small office behind the emergency room. According to the title printed on the door, Dr. Hollister was the head of the Emergency Medicine department. No wonder she had been able to pull off the deception.

The more Reese thought about it, the more the whole deception made sense. Jessica worked in this hospital, the nurses and doctors all knew her. As medical professionals, they would have noticed her various injuries and recognized that they were the result of domestic abuse. The night of the accident, they simply seized their chance to get Jessica away from Peter.

Reese shook hands with Susan Hollister and took the chair across from her. She was average height and as thin as a whippet. Her short brunette hair was trimmed into a bob.

"How can I help you Detective?"

"I need to talk to you about Jessica Arndt."

Hollister looked startled, "Jessica was a dear friend of mine. She's been dead for a few years now."

"She's not really dead is she?" John's face was set in stone.

"Of course she's dead, I signed the death certificate myself!" Hollister's performance wasn't even as convincing as the coroner's.

"Doctor, I don't have time for this. I have intelligence that tells me that Jessica Arndt is in danger again and I need to find her quickly."

"I can't help you."

Fortunately, Reese had stopped at his loft on the way out of town. He reached into the inner pocket of his suit coat and pulled out the picture of Jessica and him in Mexico and laid it on the desk in front of the doctor. "Yes, you can," he said firmly.

Hollister gasped when she saw the picture, she obviously recognized it. "You're John!"

"Yes, I am."

"She waited for you! You broke her heart!" Susan snapped in an accusing tone of voice.

"I never asked her to wait for me," John shot back. "But she is in danger now, and I need to find her before the person or persons who want her dead do." Reese maintained his cool, professional exterior and didn't mention how his guilt over not coming for Jessica when he promised had been eating at him constantly for the last few years.

"What kind of danger is she in?"

"I don't know the details yet. But my sources tell me that the threat is very real and life threatening. I'm asking again, where is she?"

Dr. Hollister was obviously struggling with what Reese had told her, not sure if she could trust the man who had broken her friend's heart, but understanding the consequences to Jessica if Reese was telling the truth. Finally she made her choice.

"Long Island, she works in a private clinic on Long Island. She's using the name Jessica Davis." Reese looked up sharply; Davis was his "real" name, the one on his birth certificate and on his military file. It was the name that Jessica had known him by. Jessica was using HIS name? Why? Did she miss him too? Did she wonder about the road not taken as well?

Hollister wrote the address of the clinic down and gave it to John.

"Thank you. You did the right thing. Call Jessica, tell her that her life is in danger and a Detective Fusco is on his way to get her. She is to go with him and he will take her to a safe location."

Hollister nodded. "You will save her this time?" she asked him scornfully.

The words "this time" stung Reese, but he didn't let it show. He nodded, "Yes, I will."

John walked out to his car. He was going to have to ask Fusco go get Jessica and take her to a safe house, probably Finch's Long Island estate. It would take John too long to get there from New Rochelle. He tapped his phone, "Fusco? I know where Jessica is. I need you to get her and take her to Finch's Long Island estate. I'll meet you there in a few hours."

"Got it, on my way." Fusco replied.


	3. Chapter 3 - Jessica

**Chapter 3 - Jessica**

Fusco wiped his mouth and stood up from the table. "Finch can you give Joss a ride back to the precinct?"

Joss was furious, "Oh hell no, I'm going with you."

Finch reached across the table and gently laid his hand over Joss's, his eyes pleading, "I don't think that's a good idea, Joss."

Joss turned on Finch. "If this were any other case, would you stop me from going?" she hissed.

"No, but this is not just any case."

"Finch we have to treat it like one. We can't afford to tiptoe around my feelings. If we do, if we change the way we work together, someone could get killed and it will probably be John. I won't let that happen." And with that, Joss squared her shoulders and strode out of the diner.

Fusco looked at Finch but all Finch could do was shrug. Fusco looked like he had swallowed a bug, "This is not going to end well at all," he snapped and he followed Joss out of the diner to the car. Finch watched Fusco walk out of the diner sadly. He was afraid the detective was right; this was not going to end well.

Carter and Fusco drove out of the city in silence, and the quiet in the car got heavier and heavier. Finally Fusco couldn't take it anymore. "Joss…" he began tentatively.

"Don't," she snapped.

Lionel gently reached over and took her hand. Joss finally looked over at him and squeezed his hand back.

They reached the parking lot of the Long Island clinic and got out of the car. "She's expecting me, so I'll go in and get her," Fusco said. "Wait here and keep an eye out. We still don't know why this chick is in danger."

Joss nodded and Fusco entered the clinic. He flashed his badge at the receptionist, "I'm here to see Jessica Davis."

The receptionist barely glanced at his badge. He was obviously expected. "Yes Detective, she has been expecting you. What's going on? She is very confused right now and frankly so are we."

"We don't have the whole story, ma'am. We're still piecing it together. Please tell her to hurry."

Jessica appeared in the waiting room a few minutes later clutching her purse and plainly shell shocked. Fusco looked her over; she resembled the Jessica in the picture, a few years older, but still tall, blonde and beautiful. Fusco loyally decided that Joss was better looking; Jessica was too skinny for his tastes.

"Are you Detective Fusco? " She asked. Fusco handed her his ID. She looked at it handed it back. "Can you tell me what's happening? Is my life really in danger? Is my John really coming for me?"

"He's on his way, sister; I'll let him explain everything when you see him. Right now we need to get you to safety," Fusco found himself being quite brusque with this woman. He really didn't like it when she referred to Reese as "her John," John belonged with Joss as far as Lionel was concerned.

Fusco grabbed Jessica's elbow and steered her out the door towards the car where Joss was standing. As soon as they walked out the door a gunshot rang out, hitting the door jamb mere inches from Jessica's shoulder. Fusco shoved Jessica to the ground and drew his weapon, scanning the area for the shooter.

Joss leaped into the car and drove it over to Lionel and Jessica, squealing to a stop when the car was between them and the direction the shots had come from. Fusco shoved Jessica in the back seat and dove into the car. Joss drove out of the parking lot at high speed. The back window of the car shattered from one final shot. Jessica shrieked and then slapped her hand over her mouth staring up at Fusco from the back seat with wide, frightened eyes.

"Is anyone hit?" Joss yelled.

Fuso quickly checked Jessica over. The woman was terrified but unhurt, "Naw, we're both good. But now we know the threat is real."

* * *

The man smiled to himself. That gave Jessica a good scare. She should know better than to consort with strange men. He had warned her about that many, many times. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, not yet; he just wanted her to learn a lesson. He was everywhere, he was watching. From the look on her face, it had worked wonderfully.

Now that he had taught her a lesson, it was time to return home and wait for the right time to set his plan in motion. Soon she would be his.

* * *

Joss drove to Finch's estate as fast as conditions allowed; being careful to make sure they were not followed. Finch and Bear were waiting for them when they pulled up to the front door of the large house and Harold's face paled when he saw that the back window of the car was shattered.

"I take it you ran into some trouble?" He asked, staring at the shattered remnants of the window.

"Yeah you could say that," Fusco growled.

"I'll get the window replaced this afternoon."

Fusco looked grateful, "Thanks, I'm running out of explanations to give the brass for the condition of our cars."

Finch finally turned to Jessica. It was surreal for him to be finally facing the woman whose "death" had set in motion some of the events that had brought their little family together. Had it not been for this woman, he might not have found John and John would not have found Joss and Lionel. Ironically her presence here now threatened the family that her phony death had helped to create. Finch could not help wishing she was anywhere else but here. But she _was_ here now, and she was in danger and they would help her.

He extended his hand with what he hoped was a reassuring smile, "Hello, you must be Jessica Arndt. I'm Harold Finch and this is my house. You will be safe here, I promise. "

Jessica was plainly shaken and looked at Harold with wide, terrified eyes, "Thank you. Can you tell me why I'm here?" She edged nervously away from Bear as the big dog sniffed her curiously.

Finch, seeing that Jessica was not comfortable around Bear, commanded the dog sit and then turned back to their guest. "We have information that your life is in danger but we're still investigating. Please, let's go inside before we're seen."

Finch led them into the house and down the hallway to the kitchen, where he pulled all the blinds shut.

Once Jessica was settled at the counter with a glass of water, Finch stepped outside to call John.

"Jessica is here at the house, but I'm afraid there was some trouble. As Lionel and Jocelyn were escorting her from the clinic, someone took several shots at them."

"Wait, Joss is there? What's Joss doing there? Is she alright?"

"Everyone is fine. Jocelyn is determined to work this case. She is afraid if we change the way we normally wor,k someone, namely you, will get hurt."

John sighed; he should have known that Joss would let the case take priority over her feelings. "I'll be there as soon as I can." And he rang off.


	4. Chapter 4 - Reunion

**Chapter 4 - Reunion**

John braced himself as he entered the house. He had dreamed of this moment so many times since he'd first been told Jessica was dead. He had thought that he would throw his arms around her hug the breath out of her. That was then. Now he was tentative, afraid to see her. He heard voices in the living room and he walked to the room. He finally caught sight of Jessica for the first time in over twelve years and he hesitated in the doorway.

When Jessica saw him standing in the doorway, she didn't hesitate at all. She leaped up and ran to him, throwing her arms around him. John's arms went around her, pulling her close and he hugged her back. Briefly, it was as if the years since he had last seen her fell away and they had never been apart.

After a few minutes, John leaned back and looked down at Jessica. "You look just the same," he said softly with a tender smile on his face. She smiled back her eyes dancing, "So do you" she said, running her fingers through his hair. She cupped her hand behind his head and pulled him down for a kiss. John held her tight and relaxed into the kiss like Mexico had just been yesterday.

Joss, watching the scene made a soft, hurt sound and slipped from the room unobserved. Her worst fears had come true.

Fusco and Finch looked at each other helplessly.

John gently pushed back from Jessica and looked around the room. Jessica, suddenly remembering that they were not alone in the room, looked a bit embarrassed.

"Where's Joss? I thought you said she was here," John asked.

Fusco gave him a dirty look, "I guess she's not one for reunions; I'll go find her." Fusco stomped out of the room.

Finch excused himself as well. "You have a lot to talk about. I'll be in my study."

When they were alone, Reese looked down at Jessica. "We need to talk, Jessie. Your life is in danger."

Jessica bit her lip, "I know. Someone shot at us as we left the clinic."

"Do you know who would want to kill you?"

Jessica took a shaky breath, "Someone has been stalking me for months. But he has never been violent before now."

"Who?" John's eyes grew cold and his face grew hard. Jessica was startled; she had never him like that. She drew back from him a little, her eyes wide.

She drew another shaky breath, "I don't know. I've been getting phone calls. First when they started it was just hang ups, so I thought it was kids goofing around. Then there was heavy breathing and then it progressed to some creepy voice saying 'Hello, Jessica'. I changed my number but the calls kept coming. I started getting emails and texts and notes on my car…" Jessica's voice choked off in a sob and she placed her hand over her mouth. She was plainly scared and had been for some time.

"Is that why you stayed in hiding after Peter died?"

"No, they never caught the person who killed Peter, so I thought I would be safer if I stayed in hiding. We were so deep in debt that there was nothing to go back to anyway."

John bowed his head a bit at the irony of that. He would confess to her later, right now he needed her to trust him.

Jessica misinterpreted the look on John's face and said, "It's OK, John, I've built a good life. I love my job and I have some good friends."

"Have you been seeing anyone? Is there anyone you should notify that you are going away for a while? We are going to have to keep you in safe houses until we get to the bottom of this."

Jessica shook her head, "No. I haven't dated since I left Peter, my track record with men has been pretty pathetic. You talked to Susan and the clinic knows already. So, everyone who needs to know, knows."

"Do you have any idea who the stalker is? Coworker? Patient at the clinic?"

"No one at work has been creepy or weird towards me. Couple of the patients have asked me out here and there, but they all seemed to understand when I told them that we were not allowed to date patients.

"Honestly John since this whole thing started, I've thought about it a lot, trying to figure out who it is but I can't." Jessica looked like she was going to cry. John decided to change the subject and ask a question he'd been wondering about since he discovered that she was alive.

"Jess, why didn't you let your mother know you were alive?" he asked. He remembered her as being very close to her mother and he had been quite surprised that Jessica let her mother think she was dead all this time.

Jessica's face twisted into a cold, hard mask of hate at the mention of her mother. "My mother? The woman who told me that you were no good because you were in the military and I was better off with Peter? She knew that Peter was hurting me, she knew, dammit and still she encouraged me to stay with him! 'He's a good provider', she said. 'Just stop making him mad' she said.

"John, can you imagine knowing someone was abusing your child and encouraging them to STAY? She didn't care about me, just how things looked to her friends and her priest," Jessica said bitterly.

"Jess, I'm sorry, I had no idea…" John had no idea what to say. No wonder she had called him, an ex-boyfriend she hadn't seen or spoken to in over four years, for help . She must have felt so alone and scared.

"Did you ever hear of a guy by the name of Nathan Ingram? Billionaire, made his money in computers?"

John was briefly startled by the question, then he remembered finding Jessica's picture in the safe in the library, and suddenly a lot of things clicked. "Yes, I've heard of him."

"Several months before I called you, he visited me when Peter was out of town on business. he told me he knew what Peter was doing to me. He offered to give me money, to pay for a divorce from Peter, to set me free. _My own mother talked me out of it!_ A complete stranger was more worried about my welfare than my own mother!"

Jessica's face twisted in ugly hateful mask, "So I cut her out of my life. She'd rather see me dead than divorced, well then she got her wish."

John had never seen this side of her before. During their short time together, he had not seen her angry or upset until the very end when he told her he had to go back to the military. He couldn't help it; he reached out and took her in his arms while Jessica cried against his chest.

* * *

Fusco hunted all over the large estate for Joss. His heart broke for his partner; he knew how much John meant to her and how hard it had been for Joss to let someone in. He knew from experience how she kept the world at arms' length and how reluctant she was to let people get close to her. Fusco desperately hoped he would never have to sit there and watch the person he loved make out with someone else like Joss just had to do. For a brief moment he considered kneecapping John for hurting her.

Fusco found Joss sitting in a gazebo quite a ways from the main house. She had her head in her hands and although Fusco did not approach her quietly, she did not look up as he walked up to her.

"Joss…," he started to say.

She didn't lift her head from her hands, "Lionel, don't. There is nothing you can say to make me feel better so don't even try."

Fusco made a sour face and settled down on the bench next to her. "I could just let the guy shoot her next time."

Joss snorted. Finally she looked up at him and the look on her face broke his heart. "You were right, Lionel, you and Harold. I shouldn't have come. I thought I could do this. I thought could put my feelings aside and do my job..." her voice choked off in a sob. Fusco patted her shoulder, and she continued, "But watching them together, I can't, I just can't. Did you see the way they kissed? The look on his face when he looked at her?"

Fusco slipped an arm around her shoulders, "Joss, she kissed him, not the other way around. I've seen him with you, there is no comparison. Don't do this to yourself."

Joss just buried her head in her hands and didn't say anything else, while Fusco just held her.

* * *

Reese knocked on the door to Finch's study and entered. Bear leaped up from his bed next to Harold's desk and ran to greet him. John smiled and stooped down to pet the dog.

Finch turned stiffly in his chair to look at John, "How is Jessica doing?"

Reese began pacing the room. "About as well as could be expected. This is an awful lot for her to take in. She's not used to getting shot at, unlike the rest of us."

"I can imagine that seeing you again after all these years has been a shock for her. And for you."

Reese looked away, "I won't deny this has been tough."

"Not as tough as it has been for Jocelyn."

Reese fixed Finch with a glare, "Why did you let her come?"

Finch met Reese's glare with a raised eyebrow, "John, _**you**_ can't stop her when she wants to do something, what makes you think_** I**_ can?"

Reese had to smile at the truth in that question.

"John, you could not expect her to sit at home and leave you alone with your formerly dead lover, could you? Think about how she feels about this."

John began to pace the room, "I can't afford to think about that right now Finch. I have to keep my head in the game or Jessica could wind up dead. We all do."

Finch gave John a penetrating look, "I know that John, and somehow I don't think Jocelyn will be the problem."

Reese stopped and glared at Finch, "I'd thought I had put Jessica behind me, that I was going move forward and make a life with Joss. But the way Jessica kissed me a few minutes ago…" John's voice trailed off.

Finch felt a bit sick at that. "So I guess Jocelyn is just that person you settled for because you thought Jessica was dead."

Reese stared at Finch with the hard cold eyes of a killer, "I love Joss, Harold," Reese said in that deadly low voice.

"Glad to hear it John," Finch said calmly. "But those were not my words. Jocelyn said them to me this morning after you left for New Rochelle. I don't think it's true, **but she does**. You will have to tread very carefully if you don't want to lose her. Right now she is convinced that she is only your second choice."

John looked away, "I'm sorry, Harold. I don't know what has come over me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box and laid it in front of Finch. Finch picked it up and opened it gingerly, like it was about to explode. A large diamond attached to a gold band with a vine pattern carved into it sparkled back at him.

"Is this an engagement ring? You were going to ask Jocelyn to marry you?" Finch said slowly.

"I ordered that ring a few months ago. It's custom made. The vine pattern on the band matches the tattoo on her waist. I had the wedding bands made too. I just picked it up yesterday from the jewelers."

"When were you going to ask her?"

"As soon as we caught a break between numbers."

"And now?" Finch was almost afraid to hear the answer.

"I don't know, Finch, I just don't know. Seeing Jessica again, wondering what could have been. Wondering if I could go back..."

"I have doubts that you can go back John."

"So do I, Finch. I'm not even sure I would want to if I could. But I don't know." John looked confused, Finch could not remember the last time he saw John look confused.

"I have to go find Joss." John said abruptly and he left the room.

Finch sadly watched him go. He could understand John's feelings to certain extent. Finch had often wondered about his road not taken, about what his life would be like now if he had not let Grace go after the bombing. He had often fantasized about being happily married to her, living in Italy or France. He knew why John was confused, why discovering that Jessica was alive and that he might have a second chance with her was throwing his normally large and in charge friend for such loop. He understood completely.

But Finch also knew that there was a reason the road not taken had not been taken in the first place. Lurking behind all of Finch's lovely fantasies about life with Grace was the realization that if things had been different he would always be looking over his shoulder; that he could run, but he could never be completely free of the Machine. He knew that even if he had married Grace, he could never forget the Irrelevant List. He knew that if Grace were here now, her life would be in mortal danger just by sitting next to him. And Finch simply could not live with that.

As for John, Finch knew that if he'd quit the Army he would not have been happy. There would have been no way a man like Reese could have sat on the sidelines while his friends were fighting and dying overseas. Finch had been working with Reese for some time now and he knew John well enough to know that he could not have watched the war on TV from his living room, no matter how much he loved the woman sitting next to him on the couch.

Jessica would have dragged John back to that small town they'd come from, but Finch had a feeling no small town could contain John Reese for long. He was meant for bigger things and the picket fence life would have slowly killed him. During the Wyler case, John had nearly gone out of his mind in the quiet suburbs and he had only been there for three days. He couldn't live the quiet life, and from what Finch had seen of Jessica, the only life she was suited for _was _the quiet life. Finch could only hope that John could see that, too.


	5. Chapter 5 – Old Regrets & Perfect Ghosts

**Chapter 5 – Old Regrets and Perfect Ghosts**

Joss pulled out of the estate and headed for the city, trying to focus on the road ahead of her.

She didn't want to leave, she felt like she was tucking her tail between her legs and conceding John to Jessica but she was pretty sure that her presence would not make one damn bit of difference anyway. She saw how John had held Jessica and how he had kissed her. Yeah Jessica started it but he was a full participant. Her heart broke all over again just thinking about it.

John's feelings for Jessica had always been a sore point for Joss throughout their relationship. John never stopped loving Jessica and her "death" just made her larger than life and more than perfect in John's mind. Joss had seen it before, when someone passed away those left behind would build up the departed to become Absolutely Perfect. John had dated Jessica for only about six months and John had been deployed for part for that, so they had still been in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, the time when they were on their best behavior, when John had felt compelled to walk away. They simply had not had time to discover each other's faults.

When Joss had first uncovered the story of John and Jessica, when she had first found that damned picture in Jessica's old jewelry box, she had thought that John would never love again, because after all, who could complete with a ghost? A perfect, idealized ghost at that.

Then the relationship between her and John had changed and she decided to take a chance and let him into her heart and her bed. She had been gloriously happy and she thought John had been too. No, she was **sure** he had been happy.

That didn't mean she hadn't been prepared to lose him. He had an incredibly dangerous job after all. She had prepared herself to get that call from Finch, the one that would tell her he was gone and not coming back. She had even prepared herself to never have a body to bury or grieve over and she had prepared herself to grow old alone. It was all part of the price of having John Reese in her life, a price she had been more than willing to pay.

But it had never occurred to her that she would lose him to another woman; least of all Saint Jessica of New Rochelle.

But now the perfect woman, the one who got away, the one he had all the regrets over, was back and he had a second chance with her. How could he pass that up?

* * *

John went looking for Joss after his talk with Finch. He ran into Fusco in the hallway.

"Where's Joss? "

"She left as soon as the mobile window guy replaced the back window of the cruiser," Fusco was plainly pissed.

"She left?" John was surprised and unhappy. He needed to see her, to talk to her.

"Maybe she was afraid she would see you making out with your old girlfriend again," Fusco snarled at him.

John thought he was going to be sick. "She saw Jessica kiss me?"

"Yeah, and **we all** saw how you kissed her back. You got some decisions to make, John. It's one thing to help Blondie because she's in danger; it's another to be smooching on her. You have a good woman in Joss, don't be stupid here." Fusco turned and walked off.

John leaned against the wall. Seeing Jessica again after all these years had been much, much harder than he had thought possible. He'd never forgotten her, never stopped loving her, even as he'd moved forward with Joss. There had been the tiny little piece of his heart Jessica still owned.

John shoved those thoughts from his mind. Jessica was in trouble and needed Reese the operative, not John the man right now. He needed to stay in professional mode until this case was over. Then he would deal with the fall out.

Finch's housekeeper served dinner shortly after. It was her usual delicious fare, but no one was in the mood for food. Jessica nibbled lightly, she never was much of an eater. Fusco looked like he had murder on his mind, but he managed to keep from glaring at Jessica. He did, however, give John quite a few dirty looks. John pretended not to notice. Finch's eyes nervously darted from person to person like he was waiting for an explosion.

After dinner, Finch had Jessica write down all the email addresses that she'd used that had received emails from the stalker, and then he returned to his study to try and trace the sender. Fusco stepped away to call his son and, unbeknownst to John, Joss.

Jessica turned to John. "Let's take a walk outside," she said with a smile, taking his hand and lacing her fingers through his.

John shook his head, "Too dangerous, you need to stay in the house in case your stalker finds this place. I don't want anyone to take another shot at you."

Jessica looked scared, "Of course. Can we go somewhere and talk?"

John nodded and led her to the large living room. They settled down on the plush couch.

"So, the question I need to ask you is why didn't you come for me? You said you would." Jessica looked at him with inquiring eyes. John was puzzled; she didn't seem mad, just curious.

"I got sent on a mission and I couldn't get out of it."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" Jessica asked sharply.

"Couldn't. I asked for leave and it was denied. I would have come for you if it had been possible. I'm sorry. Not being there for you has been the single biggest regret of my life."

Jessica looked down at her hands as they nervously fidgeted in her lap. "I wasn't really all that surprised. I had no right to ask you to help me. We hadn't seen each other in years and I had married another man. Even when we were together, I treated you like some shameful secret."

She looked up at John. "That is the single biggest regret of my life. I should have stood up to my mother and made her accept the man I loved instead of hiding you, hiding us. I really don't blame you for leaving me; I often thought if I hadn't hidden our relationship, if I had been stronger, you wouldn't have felt like you needed to push me away."

"Jess, I left because the military life wasn't for you, you made that clear and I wasn't ready to leave the Army, not after 9/11. It's OK, not everyone wants that life."

"I wanted you, John, whatever life that was. I just wish I had had the guts back then to stand up for what I wanted." She leaned forward and put her hand on his. "I thought about those four days in Mexico a lot. I don't think I've ever been happier."

John looked down at her hand on his. "I thought about Mexico a lot too. It got me through a lot of bad nights in a lot of bad places."

"We are here now, together." Her eyes were almost pleading. "Do you ever think about going back, fixing your mistakes?"

John pulled his hand away, "Jess, I can't do this now. I can't be distracted with that stalker after you."

"John, what is it you do? How did you find out about me?"

"I work for Finch as a sort of protection expert. I can't tell you how we know people are in trouble; let's just say confidential sources and leave it at that."

"More secrets?" Jessica said. She was trying to keep her voice light, but John heard the bitter undertone.

"Part of the job," Reese said evenly.

"Why can't you have a normal job?" Jessica looked sad.

"That's not who I am, Jess. I'm good at this, I _have_ to do this."

'I don't understand, John…"

"That's why I had to leave you behind," he said softly.

Jessica hung her head. "What about when this case is over? Can I convince you that I want to understand, that I am willing to do what it takes to be with you?"

"Jessica, there is someone else."

She looked up at him shocked and then sighed, "I guess I should have seen that coming. Does she understand?"

"Yes. She's like me, actually," John smiled a bit, thinking of Joss.

"The black lady cop? That's who it is, isn't it? Makes sense now."

"Yes, that's Joss."

"Do you love her? Do you have good times with her like we had together?"

"Yes, I love her."

Jessica looked like she needed to cry. "I think I would like to go to bed now."

"I'll show you to your room."

John walked up the stairs to the bedrooms with Jessica following behind. He led her into the room across the hall from the one he shared with Joss when they were working a case on Long Island. "Finch usually keeps some clothes in the dresser and the closet in various sizes for guests, so you should be able to find something to sleep in. We can get you more clothes in the morning. I'll be right across the hall if you need me."

As John turned to go, Jessica reached out and grabbed his arm. He turned to look at her again. "I'd like you to stay with me," she said, her eyes pleading.

"I don't sleep with the people I protect," John said softly. "And more importantly, I would never hurt Joss that way."

"Am I just another case to you, John? Is that all I am to you now?"

"No Jess, you're not just another case to me. But there is a dangerous man out there you who wants you dead, so I have got to stay focused to keep you and everyone else in this house, alive."

Jessica put her hand on his chest and swallowed hard, "I'm scared, John. He shot at me today."

"You're safe here. I'll be right across the hall and Fusco will be right next door."

Jessica nodded, "Thank you John, for everything."

John walked across the hall to the room he normally shared with Joss and suddenly he missed her; he missed her a lot. He sat on their bed and looked around the room at the little things that reminded him of her. Her brush on the dresser with a few of her hairs tangled in it. Next to it was a bottle of the jasmine scented lotion she used every day and a couple of ponytail holders. Her robe was flung carelessly over the arm of the chair in the corner. He knew that when he went into the attached bath, he would see her body wash and shampoo sitting next to his in the shower. Her toothbrush would be right next to his by the sink.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called her but the call just went through to voicemail.

"Hi. I just wanted to check in with you before everyone went to bed. I…I…I'm sorry you saw Jessica kiss me. I just wanted to tell you that I love you; that hasn't changed. It will _never change_." John hung up, and lay back on the bed staring at the ceiling.


	6. Chapter 6 – Friends and Stalkers

**Hey guys, thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! I'm sorry I can't send a message to the guest reviewers, but you should know that you are very much appreciated. I think I have sent a note to everyone I can, but if I missed someone I am so sorry. I do appreciate each and every review.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Friends and Stalkers**

Fusco had to get away from John and Jessica as soon as dinner was over. Watching them watch each other ruined his normally very good appetite. Fusco didn't hate Jessica; she seemed like a nice enough lady, pretty too, but she was a threat to something very important to him and he was having a hard time remaining civil to her because of it.

Since Fusco had been a member of the team, he had found himself again. He had been lost for a number of years before that; it had cost him his marriage and very nearly his soul. As his mom would say, he fell in with a bad crowd. He didn't consider that an excuse, he knew he was a grown man who should have known better. But once he started down that slippery slope, he had no idea how to get off it. Truthfully he'd liked being one of the "cool kids." People feared him because they knew the rest of HR had his back.

But then a former CIA agent had set off a grenade in his car and held a gun to his head. Fusco's mouth twisted into a grimace thinking of how John had put two slugs into his vest at point blank range with his own damn gun! Who knew that would be the start of the redemption of Lionel Fusco? His ribs ached again at the memory, but oddly, that was one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

Fusco had ceased being just another thug and become a good guy. He'd grown a pair and told Simmons to take a hike. He was a do-gooder, and it felt damn good.

Since Fusco had been working with Carter, Reese and Finch he had gotten in touch with the reasons he'd become a cop, the right reasons. He found that he liked doing the right thing, he liked fixing things that had gone wrong, or finding the person who had screwed them up and making them answer for what they had done. One of the most satisfying days of his entire life had been the day the innocent identity theft victim* had walked free from prison as a direct result of Fusco's efforts.

In addition to finding a purpose, he'd found three true friends. He'd grown extremely fond of the people he worked with: Harold Finch, a gentle and kind man, who happened to be filthy stinking rich, John Reese, who had nearly killed him, and whom he himself had actively tried to kill. Now there was almost nothing they would not do for each other, and for the mission.

But his best friend was his partner Joss Carter. He hadn't been too crazy about her at first. She had the reputation of being smart but a stickler for the rules and, if there was one thing Fusco definitely wasn't, it was a stickler for the rules. But a funny thing happened; Lionel and Joss had discovered that they complimented each other, that their differences made them an effective team. They also discovered that they liked each other. In fact, Fusco liked Joss a lot; she was straight, she was honest and she was easy on the eyes. She had stuck her neck for him and saved his butt from IAB and prison. She actually believed in him like no one ever had before.

When John and Joss became a couple, Fusco had initially been wary of the relationship. If the relationship had gone bad it could have destroyed the team. He wasn't sure that Reese with his mysterious but definitely shady past was right for the straight arrow Joss and her son. Fusco had felt brotherly towards Joss and had actually tried to warn her off, but the woman could give a mule stubborn lessons and had followed her heart into John's arms and his bed. Despite Fusco's misgivings, their relationship had worked wonderfully well.

It made Fusco happy to see them happy. When Carter's phone rang, he could tell if it was John by the soft smile on Joss's face. The only time he ever saw John smile was in Carter's presence. They were happy and being around happy friends made Fusco happy. He was a cop, he saw awful things just about every day, but having good friends in love made it easier, lighter.

Now that was all in jeopardy because some chick from the past who was supposed to be dead, popped up not dead and threw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. Lionel didn't really care if she was a nice lady or not; he was damned if he was going to let her screw up the good thing they all had going!

Fusco growled deep in his throat, walked into another room to gain some privacy and punched his preset for Joss. She answered on the first ring.

"How ya doing?" Lionel asked gently.

"I'm OK, Lionel," Joss said sadly. Fusco's heart sank; she was trying hard to hide her feelings from him. Fusco knew what an expert she was in hiding hurt feelings from those around her.

Fusco rubbed his hand over his face. "You sure? You don't sound OK."

"Just do what you need to do close out this case real quick, OK?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry about that. Um, John was asking about you. He was surprised you left without talking to him."

"What would I have said? You and Jessica have a nice night now? Don't get lip burns?"

"Joss, don't torture yourself…" Fusco tried to calm her.

"Did you see him object to being kissed? I didn't," she said sharply.

Fusco sat down heavily in a handy arm chair. Joss was acting so out of character right now that he was thrown for a loop and was uncertain what he should say or do next.

After a minute of silence, Joss finally said, "I'm sorry Lionel. I'm being such a bitch."

"It's OK, Joss. I know you're upset. If I saw someone I loved playing tonsil hockey with some long lost love, I'd be hurt too. You're entitled to be pissed."

"Thanks for understanding."

"Anytime."

"Keep an eye on John for me; don't let anything happen to him."

"Yeah, I will."

"Good night, Lionel. You're a good friend."

"Thanks, good night, Joss. You've been a damn good friend to me too."

Fusco hung up and leaned back in the chair. He had never seen Joss like this and it disturbed him. She was in so much pain, so convinced that she was going to lose John and Fusco had no idea how to help her. Or just how much she might be right.

Bear found Fusco still sitting there several minutes later and placed his head on Lionel's lap, his deep brown eyes gazing sympathetically up at him. Fusco scratched the dog's ears. "You're lucky, pal," Fusco said, "You have no idea what's going on. This is going to turn into a real cluster fuck, mark my words."

* * *

Later that night, as Fusco was walking up the stairs, he saw Jessica leave her room heading across the hall for John's room. Fusco managed to intercept her just before she knocked on John's door.

"Where do you think you're going, missy?" Lionel glared at her, making sure he was standing between her and John's door.

"I had a nightmare. I wanted to see John," Jessica said as she looked past Fusco's shoulder to John's bedroom door.

"Joss catches you trying to seduce her man, she'll gut you like a salmon, ya know that right?" Fusco held his ground. She was not getting past him if he had fling her over his shoulder and carry her back to her room.

Jessica's eyes opened wide, "I wasn't going to…"

"Stow it sister. I'm a NYPD cop and I wasn't born yesterday. Go back to your own bed, by yourself and leave another woman's man alone."

Jessica meekly went back to her room and Fusco allowed himself a small smile before he went to his room next door. He didn't sleep well. He kept an ear cocked all night in case Jessica decided to pay John any more visits.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, the mood was still tense at the table. John hardly ate anything since he knew he was going to be out into the field all day. Jessica had only coffee and toast while shooting Fusco slightly fearful looks. Fusco only had a bowl of cereal, barely restraining himself from glaring at Jessica. Finch bypassed on his beloved Eggs Benedict for a donut. Even Bear seemed to be off his feed as he listlessly pushed the food around in his bowl.

The tension was so thick that Fusco saw Jessica jump when the silence was finally broken by John's soft voice. "Did you have any luck tracing that stalker's emails last night?" John asked Harold.

"Anonymous throw away email accounts, sent from various libraries and internet cafes around New York City," Finch said quietly. "Will you be leaving Ms. Arndt here today while we track her stalker?"

"No, since it appears the emails were all sent from inside the city, I'll have to concentrate my investigation there and it's too far to drive all the way back out here to check on her. I'll set her up in one of the safe houses," John replied, all business. Finch seemed pleased Reese was not going to take her to his loft. Truthfully, John had briefly considered it and had decided on his own that that would not be wise right now.

"I'll be at HQ then. Fusco do you need a ride?" Finch rose to leave. Fusco followed without a word to John or Jessica; he didn't even look at them. John watched them go, his face unreadable.

Jessica sighed, "I don't think Mr. Fusco likes me very much."

John smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile at Jessica, "Don't worry about it. He doesn't like anybody. Me least of all."

Jessica smiled a bit, then her smile faded, "Will you be staying with me at this safe house?"

"No, I'm going to be hunting for the stalker. You will be fine as long as you stay inside. I'll check on you throughout the day."

Jessica looked down into her empty coffee cup, "I don't like being alone."

John touched her arm, "It can't be helped. The faster I find the man who is trying to kill you, the faster you can get back to your life."

Jessica looked into Reese's eyes, "Then what?"

Reese looked away. He honestly didn't have an answer for that. Not now.

* * *

Before driving into the city, John drove Jessica to her apartment to get the notes that had been left on her car and some clothes. John wanted Fusco to run any fingerprints that the stalker might have left behind.

"Why didn't you go to the police?" John asked as he read the threatening notes.

"I'm in hiding; I'm supposed to be dead! I didn't think I could explain that to the police," Jessica exclaimed. John understood, not everyone had a Finch to create elaborate backgrounds for them on demand.

They left and drove to the city.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Jessica and John, The Stalker had been watching impatiently for Jessica's return from right across the courtyard of the apartment complex. His home office window had a perfect view of Jessica's front door and he worked from home as a freelance writer, so he easily kept track of her comings and goings.

As soon as The Stalker saw the object of his twisted affections come home with a tall handsome stranger whom she obviously liked very, very much, he became almost blind with anger. Jessica was HIS dammit and she had better learn to accept that! But he needed to be careful while he taught her a lesson, unlike the pudgy guy yesterday, this one looked like he could put up a fight. The man moved with the grace and confidence of a natural athlete, and there was a vague sense of menace about him. This one was dangerous.

No, The Stalker could afford to be patient and wait for her to be alone. He was proud of his ability to wait patiently for just the right opportunity. He had done it many times before.

The Stalker wondered if Jessica had stayed with the stranger last night, if she'd slept with him. His lip curled into a snarl at the thought of it. The whore will learn, he would save her from her sluttish ways. He would make her pure when he claimed her.

As soon as Jessica and the stranger entered her apartment, The Stalker scurried out to the parking lot to look for the stranger's car. It was easy this time of day to spot it, the lot was nearly empty and it was the only car not familiar to him. He quickly planted a GPS tracker under the bumper and bolted for his own apartment just in time to watch them leave.

He smiled; he would find her again, no matter what. She was his.

* * *

***I'm referring to the innocent man in "Identity Crisis." As you will recall, Fusco was instrumental in freeing one of Jordan Hester's previous victims from prison in that episode.**


	7. Chapter 7 – Old and New Loves

**Chapter 7 – Old and New Loves**

Once Reese and Jessica were back in the car and back on the road, Jessica asked quietly, "So what's next? How are you going to find the person who's been stalking me?"

"Finch is looking through security camera footage from the libraries and internet cafes the stalker used. Fusco is going to run the prints on those notes that were left on your car and I'll be running down whatever leads they turn up. Did you think of anything else last night? Anything that could help us?"

"No. Whoever it is, he's very good at sneaking around. I've asked my neighbors several times if anyone saw anything, no one ever did. He was able to leave stuff on my car at will and no one saw a thing."

"You're sure it was a man?"

"It was a masculine voice on the phone."

John frowned, "There are filters that can change voices."

Jessica shook her head, "It didn't sound like electronics, it was just a normal male voice. "

"Any accent? Any distinguishing characteristics like unusual word choices?"

"No, nothing like that. It was a completely normal, unremarkable voice."

"But no one ever saw anything?"

"No, he was like a ghost."

"Or really good at blending in."

There was silence in the car for a while until Jessica turned to John, "I tried to find you after I left Peter. I asked some friends who were still in the Army to make inquiries. You were listed as 'whereabouts unknown'. No one knew where you were."

"I'm not very good at keeping in touch," Reese said curtly, his guilt causing him to more abrupt than usual.

"I noticed," Jessica shot back. "I suppose that was the doing of that secret job you mentioned back in the airport?"

John glanced over at her and returned his eyes to the road. "There are a lot of things that have happened since we last saw each other that I can't tell you about."

"Don't you get tired of secrets, John?"

John pressed his lips together in a thin line. "Sometimes. But I have made certain choices in my life and I have to deal with the consequences of those choices."

"What about your friends? Your family?"

"You know my parents are dead. As for my friends, I do what I can to make sure they won't suffer the blowback from my choices when my past catches up with me."

"What kind blowback?"

"I have enemies, lots of enemies. There are people who want me dead."

Jessica's eyes opened wide and she gasped. "My God John, what have you been doing?"

"I can't tell you that."

Jessica just stared at John while he kept his eyes grimly forward.

They rode in silence for a while. Finally Jessica asked, "Did you ever think about us? Did you ever wonder what might have been? What would have happened if you hadn't gone back to the military after Mexico?"

John didn't answer for a few minutes. This conversation was dredging up memories he didn't want to revisit again. Taking a deep breath, he finally spoke, "I used to think about it all the time," he said quietly.

"Used to?" she asked sharply.

"I've been building a life with Joss." He looked over at her. "I've been very happy," he said firmly in a tone of voice that clearly said that he considered the conversation was over.

It was Jessica's turn to stare forward and not speak.

Jessica remained silent until they got to the safe house. John parked and quickly escorted Jessica inside.

Jessica wandered around the apartment, looking a bit lost. John was not surprised to see it was up to Finch's usual standards, large and expensive, with high end furnishings and high end appliances. John handed her a burner phone.

"The first preset is my number, the second is Finch's. Call me if you need anything, I'll check in on you as often as I can."

"Can you stay a while?" Jessica looked at John with such a frightened look that he took her in his arms and held her tight. She wasn't used to danger and the strain was starting to show. After a few minutes he let her go.

"Jess, you are safe here, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Stay inside, keep the blinds closed and you will be fine."

"Alright, I think I'm going to go lie down."

"I need to check in with Finch, I'll be back later."

She gave him a quick hug and let him go.

"Thank you, John. Tell Mr. Finch 'thank you' for his kindness too. I'm tired of living in fear."

"We understand, Jess. We do this all the time. You don't have to live in fear anymore."

John left, heading for the library to see if Finch had turned up anything.

* * *

The Stalker leisurely followed the GPS tracker's signal into the city about an hour later. He was in no hurry; he was a patient man. He found the car parked in a garage between an abandoned library covered in tarps and some nondescript office building. He parked a few spaces away and settled down to wait for Jessica and her stranger to return.

* * *

John strode into the library, troubled. Every time he held Jessica, it brought back memories, memories he was having trouble putting aside. Memories that made it hard for him to retain his resolve to treat this like any other case, to ignore the implications to his new life.

Finch looked up, "I take Ms. Arndt is safely tucked away?"

John nodded. "Have you made any progress on the emails?"

"I'm accessing the security cameras in one library in particular; the stalker has used it more than the other places, so I will assume it is near his home or office. I'm going to try to cross reference the photos from some of the time stamps on the emails and see if I can get a picture of who might have been there during all the times the emails were sent."

"Thanks, Finch. I'm going to go meet Fusco and give him the notes that were left on Jessica's car. He might be able to lift some prints."

"John," Finch began hesitantly, "Are you going to see Jocelyn?"

John looked down, "I might not have time. She knows I'm busy on a case."

"I know you don't want my advice, but I think you should make time."

John knew he should make time, too. But he was just afraid that it would make him more confused and he couldn't handle that now. He had failed Jessica once and she'd nearly died. He couldn't fail her again.

John left without a word. Finch watched him go sadly. He knew his friend had suffered greatly during his years with the CIA as Kara Stanton and Mark Snow had tried to erase any trace of humanity from John's soul. They had nearly succeeded in destroying him, turning him into the remorseless killing machine they wanted him to be. John had emerged from the experience badly broken but not completely beaten. John had managed to retain some small part of his humanity but even then they convinced him that he was a creature of evil.

Despite the fact that John thought he was a monster, Finch was convinced he was a good man and had patiently and gently nurtured that little piece of humanity that had managed to survive. Finch wanted his friend to be whole and healthy. John deserved nothing less.

Unexpectedly, Finch had found his greatest ally in Joss Carter. Joss was a fellow veteran, having served in Iraq and Afghanistan and she, even more so than Finch, understood what John had been through. She "got" John almost from the first meeting. She called bull shit on his bull shit, challenged him at every opportunity to be a better person and, most importantly, loved him completely and unreservedly. She had managed to touch John in ways that were not possible for Finch. John had a purpose and he had love and he had healed. Finch had watched joyfully as John emerged from the dark into the light. The process was on-going, John was still far from complete, there was still a long ways to go on his journey.

Finch had his doubts that Jessica could be what John needed her to be. Jessica had not understood John's drive, his deep need really, to be a warrior and protector; John had therefore felt that he had to leave her behind. Since they had last been together, John's drive to protect and fight had only gotten stronger. Had Jessica changed enough to understand him now?

Bear nudged Finch's hand, asking for a pat. Finch stroked the dog's head while talking to him in a soothing tone of voice, "It's OK, Bear. It will be OK." The dog looked at up him like he knew Finch was trying to soothe himself too.

* * *

As John exited the library, he called Fusco. The detective picked up the first ring, "You got the notes?"

"Yes, can you meet me in the bar around the corner from the precinct in thirty minutes?"

"Yeah, see you then."

Thirty minutes later, Reese walked into the bar and spotted Fusco nursing a beer and a burger in the corner. He walked over and joined him.

John slid into the booth and tossed the envelope with the threatening notes across the table to the detective. Fusco picked it up and peeked inside without touching anything.

"That's a lot of notes," he grunted. "Lover boy is quite the writer."

"You know love has nothing to do with it," Reese snapped. John handed over a plastic bag containing the coffee mug that Jessica used at breakfast. "Jessica's prints are on the mug, so you can eliminate hers."

"This will help."

"How fast can you get the prints run?" John asked impatiently.

Fusco made a sour face like he always did when John pushed him. "Should have the results late today. One of the print techs owes me a favor, so I could get a rush on it."

Fusco glared at John. "What?" John asked, glaring back.

"How come you haven't seen or called Joss?"

"I just got back into town and I had to drop Jessica off at the safe house."

"Is that _all_ you did?" Fusco accused.

"What does _that_ mean?" John asked in a very low, very deadly voice to let Lionel know he was wandering into some dangerous territory.

Fusco however was unfazed. He'd been in dangerous territory with John many times before. "You know exactly what it means. I'm tired of watching Joss walk around hurting while you play kissing cousins with your old girlfriend."

"This is none of your business, Fusco," John snarled at him.

Fusco leaned forward across the table. "Don't try to intimidate me, John. Joss is my partner and my friend. Believe it or not I consider you my friend, too. I hate to see my friends fuck up and you, my man, are fucking up." With that Fusco wiped his mouth, got up and walked out.

John sat for a minute considering what Lionel just said and what Finch had said earlier. He pulled out his phone and called Joss.

"Hi," she sounded so sad that John's heart constricted in his chest. If she'd been irritable or angry, he could have handled it, but this sadness was new and unexpected.

"Do you think you could break away for a few minutes? I'm in the bar around the corner," John asked, almost pleading.

Joss hesitated, She wasn't sure she could handle seeing him right now. "John, I don't know, I have so much paperwork to do…"

John interrupted, "I would really like to see you."

This was as close to begging as John ever got, so Joss capitulated. "Alright, for a few minutes."

John hung up and waited. He realized that he was nervous. He'd never been nervous about seeing her before. Before, he was always eager to see her. Now he had no idea what to expect from her, or for that matter, from himself.

Joss walked in a few minutes later and as usual John's heart soared as soon as he saw her. She sat down across from him and her large dark eyes were so sad that John's hand reached across the table for her, in what he knew was a feeble attempt to comfort her. But she kept her hands in her lap and he was forced to pull his hand back

"What do you need, John?" she asked softly, without looking at him.

"I just wanted to see you. You left last night without saying good bye."

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes squarely for the first time and he was unprepared for the hurt he saw there. "You were busy," she snarled.

John looked down at the table. "I'm sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt."

"Funny, that's what my ex said, just before he walked out," Joss bristled at him, the sadness replaced by anger now.

John just stared at her, feeling sick to his stomach. Finch and Fusco had been right; he had grossly underestimated just how much Joss was hurting.

"I'm not him, I'm not your ex….." John started to say when Joss interrupted him.

"No, you're right, he didn't leave me for another woman, he just left," Joss snapped, her voice choking. John saw a brief glimpse of tears in her eyes before she looked away.

John got up and moved over to sit next to Joss. He put an arm around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"What are you doing?" Joss hissed. They had a long standing rule against public displays of affection since they could never be sure they weren't being watched by their numerous enemies. She was stunned that he was breaking that rule, now of all times.

John gently nuzzled her neck, "I'm kissing the woman I love." And he did just that. His soft mouth found hers while his thumb gently stroked her cheek bone.

Joss dropped her head onto John's shoulder when his lips finally let her go. _You mean you are kissing _ONE _of the women you love_, she thought.

* * *

The Stalker was sitting a few booths down, pretending not to watch the stranger kiss the other slut. He wished he could hear what they talking about. Outwardly he was calm and disinterested in anything other than his beer and the newspaper. On the inside he was furious with the stranger for fooling around behind Jessica's back. Jessica was a precious gift, HIS precious gift and the stranger was wasting it. The Stalker would not waste such a gift. For now, all he could to do was keep following the stranger until he led him to Jessica.


	8. Chapter 8 – Second Choices

**Chapter 8 – Second Chances and Second Choices**

John and Joss finally parted ways when Fusco called her to let her know that the captain was looking for her. John gave her one last kiss before she left. "I love you, don't forget that," he told her as he touched his forehead to hers.

She smiled sadly at him, "I love you too, John." The thought of losing this man was destroying her and she left reluctantly.

Reese watched her go until the door closed behind her. He sat quietly for a minute staring at the door while trying to regain control of his emotions. Being in front of a firing squad had been easier than being torn between the two women that he loved.

After a few minutes he called Finch, "Any progress on those emails?"

"Still cross referencing those pictures from the security cameras with the timestamps on the emails. I'm hoping to have a picture of the stalker shortly."

"Call me as soon as you do. I'm going to check on Jessica."

John drove over to the safe house and parked on the street. Jessica must have been watching for him because as soon as he got out of the car, she ran out of the apartment and met him on the front steps of the converted brownstone. She threw herself into his arms and kissed him passionately.

"Jess, you have to stay in the apartment. We can't risk you being seen," John told her firmly but gently as he moved his mouth away from hers.

Jessica looked hurt, "You said we weren't followed."

John put her hands on her hips and firmly moved her back a step. "It's still a risk for you to be seen. You never know who is watching. Besides, I have my own enemies; anyone I'm seen with could be in danger. Promise me you won't leave the apartment again."

Jessica looked thoroughly chastised, "I'm sorry John. I'm not used to all this. This is your world, not mine."

John guided her firmly back into the brownstone. He understood that she was scared and anxious; yesterday was probably the first time in her entire life that she had been under fire. But he had to get her to understand that she needed to follow his instructions if he was going to keep her alive. It seemed he was almost as big a distraction for her as she was for him.

He had another problem, every time she touched him; it brought back memories of when they'd been together as a couple. Those memories had gotten him through some very bad times both while in combat and in the CIA. Many nights he'd been in hostile territory, wondering if this was going to be his last night on earth and he'd conjured up those memories of a beautiful, smiling Jessica to get him through the night and to remind him of why he was doing what he was doing. Those memories were the reason he'd held onto his humanity through the all the carnage, through all the evil he had seen and done. Those memories were the reason he still had a conscience and a soul, because he'd never completely let go of her.

When he had finally made it back to the States hoping to regain some of that lost happiness, only to discover she was dead, it had nearly destroyed him. He'd held onto to her _too_ tightly, he made her the center of his world, and she was gone. Without her anchoring him to this world, and to his sanity, he'd not known who or whathe was. He hadn't realized just how much of himself he'd given up by letting her, and only her, be the center of his entire existence. He'd realized that putting one person in that position, where they were so completely responsible for your well-being, was not fair to them. Or to yourself, for that matter.

He'd tried hard to not repeat his mistakes with Joss, to make sure he was anchored with a few other important relationships and that he had purpose outside the relationship. But to John's shame, he realized that even as he had moved forward in his relationship with Joss, his memories of Jessica had still haunted him. He'd held back TOO much with Joss, afraid to lose himself again like he did with Jessica. He'd never wanted to be in a position where he would try to drink himself to death over someone, to care about someone so much that his world would end with them. He wondered if Joss had realized that he was not all in, if she knew how hard he'd fought against his feelings for her before he'd finally given in. He wondered if she knew about the tiny place in his heart that Jessica still occupied, that he had never quite said goodbye.

He suspected that Joss did know, and that explained a lot.

* * *

The Stalker stood on the street and watched the apartment. He had found her, as he knew he would. They belonged together so fate decreed he would always find her. The stranger had led him straight to her from the bar and he had driven by just in time to see Jessica enthusiastically greet the man at the door.

Now that he knew where she was staying, he could prepare for the next phase, where he would bind her to him for all eternity. He was very pleased. He'd been afraid that his timetable would be thrown off by the appearance of the stranger and that would have made him cross. Now he knew he could keep his timetable. It was another sign that what he was doing was right. It actually worked better for his plan to have her here in the city; he had already rented that studio apartment in town last month to carry out his plan. It was yet another sign that they belonged together.

* * *

Fusco called John shortly after he arrived at the safe house. "The only prints we got off the notes were Jessica's. Stalker Boy must have worn gloves."

"Thanks, Lionel. Did you hear that Finch?"

"Yes, Mr. Reese. Our opponent has been very careful. I can't get a good picture of him off the security cameras in the library either. He was careful to sit with his back to the camera whenever he sent those emails. The only picture I have of him, he is wearing a sweatshirt with a hood. You can try showing it to employees of the various libraries and internet cafes, but I doubt it will do you any good.'

"Send the picture to my phone."

John hung up frustrated. He'd been hoping to get this case over with quickly so he could sort out his feelings for Joss and Jessica and move forward with his life.

John left the safe house shortly after to run down some more leads. Jessica gave him a long, lingering kiss good bye that nearly made him forget about the case.

Jessica made him promise to return for dinner.

* * *

Joss returned to the precinct after seeing John. She knew he **did **love her; her real fear was that he loved Jessica more. The fact that he took the time to see her in the middle of a case, which was highly unusual, made her feel a bit better. Normally while on a case John had a laser focus and Joss had accepted long ago that romance would have to wait until the case was over. She often went days without seeing him. That was OK with her usually; John would not be John if he didn't devote himself to protecting those in need and it was the reason she fell in love with him in the first place. If only he weren't protecting HER…

Fusco looked up as she returned, "So, didja shoot him? We got a body in the trunk to take care of?"

"No," Joss said wryly, "I kissed him."

"Good choice, kissin's more fun," Fusco grinned at her.

Joss sat down next to Fusco at his desk, "I don't know how all this is going work out. It's pretty obvious he still loves Jessica."

"It's also pretty obvious he loves you too, Joss," Fusco pointed out.

Joss sighed, "Lionel, I have to face the fact that if he had known she was alive back when he first returned to the States, he would not be with me now. He would be with her. I'm just second choice."

Fusco peered at her over the top of his reading glasses and took a deep breath. "Coupla flaws in that logic, Carter. One, you don't know they would still be together. Jessica's a nice lady 'n all, but she's definitely not one for the kind of work we do. Somehow I can't see John living a nice quiet, normal life and I can't see her doing the cloak and dagger thing. She's been shot at** once** in her whole life, not **actually **shot and she's completely freaked out by it. John gets shot at daily, sometimes two or three times. They may have been right for each other way back when, but I don't see it now.

"Second, if your husband hadn't developed PTSD and run off, do you think you would have been available when Batman hit the scene? Would you call John _your _second choice?"

Joss gave Fusco a shy smile, "No, I guess not."

"Joss, if you think about it, it's a miracle anyone gets together with anyone. When you think of the chain of events that bring just about any couple together, if any one of those events doesn't happen, then that couple doesn't get together. I mean, think about me and my ex. If her car hadn't broken down, or if I had taken a different route home that day, we never woulda met and we wouldn't have Lee now."

Joss laughed at her partner, "You're a real philosopher, Fusco."

* * *

John returned to the safe house carrying dinner that evening. Jessica laughed as she opened the salads. "I'm guessing the salad without beets is mine?" she smiled at John.

John returned her smile, "You hate beets, as I recall."

"How is the investigation going? Do you have any idea who's stalking me?"

"We are still working on it. There were no fingerprints on the notes and no identifiable pictures of him on the security cameras in the locations he used to send the emails."

Jessica looked closed her eyes and took a long, shaky breath. "How much longer will this take?"

John shrugged, he couldn't look at her, "I don't know. All criminals make a mistake eventually. As soon as your stalker makes a mistake, we'll be all over him."

Jessica nodded and tried to smile, but John saw her hands shaking as she got forks out of the drawer. "I'm sure you and your friends will have this case wrapped up in no time, then." But her hands were shaking so much that she suddenly dropped a fork with a clatter back into the drawer. She jumped from the noise and then put her hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut, tears forming at the corners.

John reached over and touched her hand. Jessica took another deep, shaky breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry I'm so jumpy."

John gently rubbed her hand with his thumb, "It's understandable, you're not used to living in fear."

"You always were a kind person, John. I've missed that." Jessica paused and then said quietly, "Peter was kind, too, at first."

They started eating. Jessica said, "I was thinking about old times in Puyallup today. Remember the LaMottas?"

Reese nodded, "How could I forget? Tommy was in my class. I've never seen anyone who was more accurate with a rubber band. He got me in trouble with Mr. Keller once; Keller thought I was the one who hit him."

Jessica giggled, "I had Leslie in my class. Girl could cuss like a sailor."

"They all could. I guess when you live in a 3 bedroom house and there are 7 kids, you learn to be as loud as you can just to be heard. I was always grateful to be an only child after I went over there."

Jessica sighed, "I wasn't allowed to hang out with them. Mom forbade it because she thought they were trashy."

John's mouth disappeared into a thin line of disapproval at the mention of Jessica's mother. "They weren't exactly upscale, but there was a lot of love there. They were nice people despite their colorful language."

Jessica grew pensive, "My mother got a lot of things wrong."

John reached over and grabbed her hand, "She got a lot right too, Jess. She raised you."

"She was wrong about you. I should have waited for you."

The conversation was veering off into dangerous territory, so John decided to change the topic.

"I'll bet she was right about Emily Norwich."

"NO! Emily was a regular Eddie Haskell. She always was a sweetie to all the parents, they all loved her!"

John chuckled. "She was as mean as a snake!"

Jessica shrieked with laughter, "I know! She's the one who sneaked in the visiting team's locker room at the football stadium and wrote Liz Steinberg's phone number in every bathroom stall."

John laughed, "I never heard about that. But it sure sounds like something she would do." He sighed as he watched Jessica giggle. It felt good to sit around with someone who knew him back in the good old days before his life had gone to hell. It felt good to revisit the good times and reminisce about people he'd not thought about in many years. John had never understood the need for high school reunions before so he'd never attended one. He hadn't been back to Pullayup since he'd left but now he understood. Jessica had once again taken him back to a happier time.

They finished eating, happily chatting about old times. They cleaned up and Jessica started walking to the bedroom. She paused and turned around, "Are you going to stay?" she asked quietly.

Reese nodded. "I'll be on the couch," he said firmly. Jessica nodded and went into the bedroom and closed the door.


	9. Chapter 9 - Kidnapped

**Chapter 9 - Kidnapped**

The next morning, The Stalker watched as the stranger, who he now knew as John from Jessica's overly enthusiastic and familiar greeting the day before, left the apartment and drove away. The Stalker smiled happily, it was time, time to claim what was rightfully his. He walked down the street to the florist's shop and bought a lovely bouquet. He checked his jacket pocket. The syringe was still there. He smiled again. He was glad he brought it, it would be most inconvenient if he'd to return to Long Island to retrieve it.

Carrying the flowers, he buzzed the front door at the brownstone. "Can I help you?" Jessica's voice came over the intercom. "I have a delivery from John for Jessica," he replied smoothly. He ground his teeth when he heard Jessica's happy exclamation, he would punish her for that later. She should not be happy about gifts from other men.

Jessica threw open the door and reached for the flowers with a huge smile on her face. The Stalker dropped the flowers, grabbed her arm and plunged the syringe in her neck. Jessica's smile turned to terror and then her eyelids began to droop. He threw an arm around her and dragged her to his car, threw her in the back seat and then calmly drove off. He had a place all prepared for her.

* * *

John returned to the safe house a few hours later after another fruitless morning chasing leads. As he entered the apartment he spied the trampled bouquet on the floor of the entryway and he knew instantly what had happened. Frantically he searched the apartment but his worst fears were realized; Jessica was not there. He pulled out his phone and hit the preset for Finch.

"Finch, she's gone," he said grimly.

"Gone? Are you sure she didn't leave voluntarily?"

Reese stared hard the destroyed bouquet on the floor. "I'm sure," he said tersely.

Reese's next call was to Fusco to meet him at the safe house. Reese was going to need help canvassing the neighborhood for clues. Fusco came as quickly as he could, grateful Joss had been out interviewing a witness and was not there with him when he got the call. He found a highly agitated John searching through the apartment for clues to Jessica's whereabouts.

"How did the stalker find her so quickly? You said you weren't followed!" Fusco asked, perplexed. He knew if John said he wasn't followed, then he wasn't followed.

John paused in his search, realization dawning on him. He ran to his car, searched it and found what he was looking for, the GPS tracking device that the stalker must have planted on the car back at the apartment on Long Island.

John tapped his earpiece. "Finch there was a GPS tracker on the car. That's how the stalker found her," he growled, angry at himself for not anticipating this, especially after what had happened with Leila. Once again he'd let himself get distracted and it had cost their number dearly.

"Read me the serial number and brand name, Mr. Reese. I think I can track the person who purchased the unit."

John gave Finch the information and then he sent Fusco to question the neighbors, while he went to the florist. Unfortunately the florist was not a lot of help; the man who purchased the flowers was not the kind of guy who stood out in a crowd.

"He was a very unremarkable man," she explained. She was able to give a description of the stalker as medium height, medium build, brown hair, glasses, wearing a blue baseball cap. He had no identifying scars or tattoos. He didn't have an accent or lisp or any other distinctive speech pattern.

Fusco had about the same amount of luck. He'd found one little old lady, the typical neighborhood busybody, who saw Jessica being half carried half dragged into an unremarkable white compact car. Unfortunately her eyesight was not good enough to get the license plate.

John listened to Fusco relate what the old lady had seen and grimaced. "He must have drugged her. That's how he managed to get her out of the apartment and into the car without much resistance on her part."

Just as Reese was getting so frustrated he was about to punch a hole in Finch's very expensive wall, Finch's voice suddenly filled his ear. "Mr. Reese I have the name of the person who purchased the GPS unit. The unit was shipped to a Jack Corsi, to the very same apartment complex where Jessica lives. He's a freelance writer, mostly writing true crime stories. He works out of his apartment and he's worked with several different publishers around the city."

Fusco and Reese looked at each other. "Well that explains a lot. He could track her coming and going easy," Fusco growled. "And writing about all those crimes, he probably had lots of information on how to cover his tracks."

Reese nodded, "It also explains why he sent emails from all those different places if his work took him all over the city."

"Exactly right Mr. Reese," Finch broke in. "I have been able to determine that most of the places he used to send those threatening messages are clustered around the various magazines and publishers who have used his work."

"Finch, does Corsi have any properties in the city? If I were him I would not want to transport Jessica too far," John asked.

"I'm checking now….He rented a studio apartment a few weeks ago." John recognized the address as being only a few blocks from Joss's apartment.

Fusco glared at him, "Please tell me you are not going to ask your girlfriend to go save your other girlfriend."

Reese glared back, "We don't have a choice. She's close by and that manic has had Jessica for several hours now. It will take us too long to get there. Jessica may not have that much time left."

While Fusco's eyes bored holes in John's back, he called Joss.

"What's up?" She answered.

"The stalker got Jessica. They may be at a place not too far from you."

There was stunned silence for a few seconds as Carter absorbed the implications of what Reese had just said. "You need me to go rescue your girlfriend? SERIOUSLY?"

John's voice conveyed some of the urgency he felt, "I think her life is in danger, if she isn't dead already."

Joss put her head in her hand. She had no choice. She was a cop, sworn to protect the innocent; she had to go save the woman who would take John from her life.

"On my way," she said grimly.

"Thank you."

Joss hung up, grabbed her gun and began running towards the address that John had given her. Finch sent her Corsi's driver license picture on her phone.

Joss arrived in the small lobby of the building a few minutes later. She took a deep breath and calmed her racing heart while she decided on a course of action. She knew that Corsi was unstable and unpredictable, so knocking on his door while screaming "Police!' was probably not the best way to proceed in this instance. If they were in the apartment, she had to find a way in that would not spook Corsi and put Jessica in further danger, if she was still alive. Joss wished she had Bear with her; he would be perfect in this situation. But the dog was back at the library with Finch, so she would have to find another way.

Joss spied a pile of Avon brochures on a table in the corner of the lobby. That would have to do. She grabbed one and walked down the hallway to the apartment number Finch had given her.


	10. Chapter 10 - Rescue

**Chapter 10 - Rescue**

Corsi looked down at his lovely Jessica as she lay tied to the bed. He was quite pleased with his work. He hadn't been working on her long since she was just starting to come back to consciousness after the drugs he had given her earlier, but he was making excellent progress already. He was teaching her the error of her ways, one small nick or cut at a time. From her shrieks, she was learning quickly.

Corsi smiled. He would take it slow and steady, patiently teaching her that it didn't pay to be a slut, and that she belonged to him. He would slowly escalate the punishment until she would say whatever he wanted her to. Then, once she had been saved from her wanton ways, he would kill her to bind her to him for ever. Killing was the most intimate act, and thus once you killed someone they belonged to you and you alone. No one could ever take them from you after that.

It was quite simple really, he was very surprised more people hadn't figured it out.

He gently stroked Jessica's cheek while she stared up at him with wide terrified eyes, "One more time my love, you don't accept gifts from other men." He tenderly nicked the inside of her elbow with the tip of the knife he held and smiled happily when she cried out in pain. Yes, she was learning.

* * *

Joss rested her ear against the door, listening. She heard a man's voice followed by a feminine sob. She quickly activated her phone, "Finch, Corsi and Jessica are in there and Jessica is still alive. How far away are John and Lionel?"

John's voice answered her, "We are still several minutes away. Unless there is no other choice, wait for us before you go in. Babe, I don't want you going up against that maniac by yourself." John was having second thoughts about this plan. It suddenly occurred to him that he was sending Joss into the situation blind and alone. They had no idea if Corsi was armed, or what he was capable of.

Joss heard a shriek that was cut off suddenly coming from inside the apartment. "John, Jessica doesn't have several minutes. I have to go in."

"No, Joss, don't. I can't lose you both…" Joss cut off the call. She plastered a big smile on her face, gave her jacket a firm tug so that her holstered gun was hidden and knocked firmly.

Corsi tentatively opened the door and Joss chirped, "Hi, You're new here, right? I'm Jocelyn your Avon representative. Is the lady of the house home?" She asked as she shoved the brochure into Corsi's hands and walked into the apartment. Joss quickly looked the studio apartment over; it was a pretty typical studio, with a small kitchen area off to one side, a couch, a dinette set and not much else. She also noticed that the far corner of the room was screened off by some curtains. Jessica was probably there.

Joss also noted a large kitchen knife on a side table by the door. Corsi must have had it in his hand when he answered the door and left it there. To her dismay, Joss saw a couple of blonde hairs and blood on the knife.

Joss plastered the smile back on her face and turned to Corsi. "I see the lady of the house isn't here. Will she be home soon?"

Corsi looked like a deer in headlights, completely confused by this chipper, pushy woman, "Um, no, there is no lady of the house." Corsi stared at her, she looked familiar...

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! Well let me tell you about some of our specials, you can buy some presents for the ladies in your life!"

"I'm not really interested right now. I'm kinda in the middle of something," Corsi stammered.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I interrupted! Is there a good time for me to come back? I would hate for you to miss out on our specials!" Joss sounded cheery on the outside, but on the inside she was getting desperate. She'd been hoping she could keep Corsi talking until John and Lionel could get there, but it was rapidly becoming apparent that this ruse wasn't going to work much longer.

Jessica herself drove the last nail in the coffin of Joss's plan by moaning pitifully from behind the curtain, "Help, help me."

Corsi froze for a second and then grabbed up the knife, yelling, "I know you! You're that other slut." At the same time, Joss drew her gun and yelled, "Freeze, police!" Corsi began advancing on Joss holding the knife up in the air and screaming, "No, she's mine!"

Joss backed up a few steps, "Don't make me shoot! Freeze!"

Corsi sobbed, "I've waited so long for my soulmate, you can't take her from me! I'm not done yet!" And he lunged for Joss.

Joss emptied her gun into his chest. She was a very good shot, especially at such close range.

Joss looked down at Corsi, laying on his back with his lifeless eyes looking up at the ceiling, mouth open wide in surprise. She turned and placed a call as she pulled back the curtain to reveal a scared, wide eyed Jessica with some of her long hair missing, handcuffed to the bed and still groggy from the tranquilizers.

Joss called John. He answered, as frantic as Joss had ever heard him, "What's going on? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. It's over, Corsi is dead, and Jessica is alive and mostly well. I have to call in the shooting, so be careful you don't get caught coming over here."

Joss called the shooting in to dispatch while she freed Jessica from the handcuffs and assessed the drugged woman's condition. Noting the needle mark on Jessica's neck and numerous small nicks and cuts all over her body, Joss also requested an ambulance. Corsi had been torturing her and all Joss could hope for was that Jessica was too heavily drugged to remember much later. Jessica was still fully clothed, so it was probable that Joss had gotten there before Corsi had sexually assaulted her.

Jessica looked up at her in confusion after Joss hung up. "YOU? You saved me? Why?"

Joss glared at her, "I'm a cop, that's what we do. You're a nurse, you wouldn't let me bleed to death if I were injured, would you?"

"I guess not. Where's John? Is he coming?" Jessica asked in a sing song voice. She was obviously still under the influence of the powerful drugs Corsi had used to subdue her.

"He's on his way," Joss reassured the woman with a heavy heart.

Jessica stared at Joss for a moment with wide, glassy eyes. "John loves you. I don't like you."

"I liked you better when you were dead," Joss shot back. Joss was most definitely not proud of herself for letting her professionalism slip, but this woman was tearing her heart apart.

At that moment, one of the local beat cops arrived on the scene and Joss was forced to turn her attention to him. She knew the officer, she made a point of knowing the local cops in this area and she brought him up to speed.

Joss knew she was going to have to go on administrative leave for a few days; it was routine after a fatal shooting. Joss sighed, her life had been nothing but trouble since Jessica showed up.

Fusco stormed into the apartment shortly after. "You OK?" He asked Joss.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to survive the investigation," she said glumly.

Fusco looked around the scene, "Looks pretty cut and dried. The guy was obviously nuttier than squirrel crap. I'm sure the worst thing that happens is that you get a few days off with pay. If it gets hairy, you know me, Captain Happy and Glasses have your back.

"Speaking of the Boss, he's pretty pissed off you went in without us," Fusco continued.

"Jessica didn't have to time for me to wait. I heard her crying through the door, he was already torturing her."

Fusco frowned at her, "It might have solved a few of our problems if Corsi had just put Blondie out of our misery."

"Fusco!" Joss was shocked.

"Well it would have," he grumbled defensively.

Joss watched as Jessica was wheeled out on the gurney. "John will probably follow her to the hospital," Joss sighed.

After answering lots of questions and turning her gun over to the Forensics techs, Joss was officially informed by the captain on duty that she was on administrative leave pending an investigation. However, the captain didn't think Joss had anything to worry about, "Looks pretty slam dunk, Carter. The suspect was clearly torturing the lady and he threatened you with that knife. Pretty cut and dried case of self-defense if you ask me. You should be able to come back to work in a few days. Kick back and enjoy your time off."

Joss didn't think that would possible since her life was currently being ripped apart, but she managed a weak smile and a "Thanks." The captain gave her a fatherly pat on the shoulder and told her she could go.

Joss started walking slowly home. After only a block she realized she was being followed.

"You're slipping John; I know you're there," she said, irritated.

John materialized beside her, "I didn't want to sneak up on you."

"Never bothered you before," she snapped angrily at him.

"Don't start, Joss," He said in deadly low voice, "I'm already unhappy with you for not waiting for me and Fusco."

"Shove it, John. Jessica didn't have time to wait. If you don't like the way I do things, you shouldn't have called me to go save your girlfriend. Shouldn't you be at the hospital holding her hand?" Joss said, unable to keep the bitterness from creeping into her voice.

John grabbed her upper arms in a steel vise-like grip and forced her to look at him, "I had to see that you were OK."

"Well he brought a knife to a gunfight, score one for me," Joss shot back, still furious with him.

"Why can't you just accept the fact that I don't want you to get hurt or killed?" John snarled at her in his same low, deadly voice. Joss saw the raw anger in his eyes, but she was too angry herself to care at that point.

"Oh, _now_ you care about me? After days of mooning over St. Jessica, now all of a sudden you're worried about _me_? You have no right, you lost to the right to care about me when you kissed her!" Joss raged at him. "Did you sleep with her?"

John looked at Joss like she had shot him in the heart. "No! How could you even think that?"

"You've been fawning over her since you found out she was alive! How can I not think that?" Joss spat at him.

John released her and stepped back, "I need to go. I'm going to the hospital." He turned and walked away without a backward glance, but Joss could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was furious.

What she didn't know was that he furious with himself, because deep down inside he knew she was right.

Joss watched him go with her heart breaking in her chest. Why did she have to fight him every step of the way? Jessica wouldn't do that, she wouldn't make him angry all the time…aw shit, she'd just gift wrapped John and delivered him to Jessica.

Joss hung her head and walked slowly all the way home.

* * *

That night, after Taylor was in bed, Joss tried to call John. She wanted to apologize for yelling at him when he was finally reaching out to her. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and that she knew that he had not betrayed her with Jessica. But call went straight to voicemail without ringing.

She called Finch and he picked up on the first ring, "Hello, Detective."

"Hi, Harold, I tried to call John, b-but he's not answering." She struggled to keep her voice steady.

"That's disappointing to hear. I have been unable to make contact with him as well. I had hoped that he was with you."

"No, he's not here. Last I saw him, he was going to the hospital to be with Jessica."

"Oh," Finch paused, that was not what he wanted to hear. "The doctors decided to keep Jessica overnight for observation because of the amount of drugs Corsi used on her." They both absorbed the possible implications and reached the same conclusion. John was staying with Jessica in the hospital overnight. Finch immediately went into damage control mode.

"I'm sure it's nothing, Jocelyn. He just wants to make sure our number is OK, that's all."

"Thanks, Harold." Joss was not convinced, but she appreciated the effort.

Joss hung up and went to bed. She lay there quietly, wide awake. She reached over to the side of the bed where John would normally sleep and laid her hand in his spot while a tear escaped from her eye.

* * *

**One more chapter to go! Next chapter: John makes a choice. Will he choose Jessica and a normal life? Or Joss and a life of protecting people?**


	11. Chapter 11 - First Choice

**Last chapter! Thanks all of you have been following along ad reviewing! I have tried to respond to everyone who has a login. Thanks to all the Guest reviewers, I'm sorry I can't respond to you individually.**

* * *

**Chapter 11 – First Choice**

But John wasn't at the hospital with Jessica as Finch and Carter thought. Reese had gone and checked on her, and when he found out that she would be kept overnight, he kissed her forehead and promised to return the next day when she was released and then left.

The time Reese had been putting off during the case was now here. It was time to make some decisions on his future and which direction to take. Should he stay with Joss and Finch and the numbers? Or should he hang it up and go home with Jessica and seek the normal life he had tossed aside all those years ago?

John knew just where to go to do his thinking, the park under the Queensboro Bridge. He drove to the park and settled on the bench that had had such a huge impact in his life. He had first met Finch here. He had found Finch here again after he had driven Marshall Jennings down to Mexico. He had met Elias here to get the info he needed to save Leila. It seemed fitting that he would make a major, possibly life-changing decision on his future in this spot.

He stared out over the water. He loved both women for different reasons. Jessica was sweet, nurturing and innocent. Joss was tough, smart and inquisitive.

Jessica could give him a normal life. He could have a kid or two and a nine to five job. There could be a house in the suburbs. Maybe they could even return to Pullayup. He could grow old with the one he loved. There would be no more nights tailing a hardened criminal in the pouring rain. No more fist fights in bars. No more gunshot wounds.

Joss was life as he knew it now. He could continue to fight the good fight with her right next him, challenging him every step of the way. But, growing old with the one he loved might not be an option because growing old may not be an option for him, period. However, he would have the satisfaction of helping people, protecting people every day. He would have a purpose, however short his life might be. And he would do it with a woman who shared his passion.

John had to wonder if he was cut out for normal life; the few days he had spent in the suburbs were some of the most boring days of his life. He had missed the energy of the city, the diversity. He had grown up a small town boy, but had never really felt at home there. He'd left small town life for the Army because he needed to get out and see the world; he knew there was more out there and he had wanted to see it and experience it. He had done that and it had changed him. He wasn't that naive boy anymore and he had not felt at home any place since, until now. New York was his home.

But he had to acknowledge that he was getting older, that his home and his purpose were slowly killing him. Men his age really shouldn't be getting in bar fights anymore. His shoulder still hurt occasionally from a bullet he took several months ago. How much longer could he keep it up? How much more could he take before he needed a handicapped parking permit? Or worse, wound up dead?

He had always wondered what life would have been like if he left the Army, married Jessica and had the children he'd always wanted. Oh he had Taylor now, but Taylor had been in high school when they first met. John had missed his first smile, his first steps, his first crush, his first basketball. He wanted to experience all that, he wanted it badly.

But John also realized he was happy now. He loved his job and he loved Joss and Taylor. There was a lot of darkness in the world and he loved being able to wipe some of the darkness away and make the world just a tiny bit better. And Joss shared his passion and his need to be on the front lines.

John thought back to the events of that day. He realized that when he and Fusco had been racing to Corsi's apartment, he was primarily concerned about the safety of one of the women. Both of them had both in mortal danger, but the majority of his thoughts had really only been with one of them. At the end of the day, he belonged with that woman, in _that _life.

Dawn peeked through the clouds and John stood up and stretched. His decision was made and he was certain he had made the right one. He would go to his loft and get a few hours of sleep, then shower, shave and make it to the hospital before Jessica was released.

* * *

John walked into Jessica's hospital room several hours later and was rewarded with seeing her up and about, looking none the worse for her ordeal. The drugs had worn off and would have no lasting effects. Her wounds were minor and would heal quickly. Fortunately she did not remember too much about what Corsi had done to her before Joss had rescued her. The psychological scars from months of being stalked, however, would take time and counseling to heal.

John smiled at her, "You're looking good for someone who got kidnapped by a maniac just yesterday."

Jessica smiled back, "I'm OK thanks to you."

John looked grim. "No, you're OK thanks to Joss," he said firmly.

Jessica looked away; the last thing she wanted to do admit she owed her life to her rival for John's affections.

John handed her a bag, "I brought your things from the safe house. I thought you might like to wear your own clothes home instead of borrowed scrubs."

"How thoughtful," she said her eyes shining. "You always were a very thoughtful person, John."

John looked down and shuffled his feet, a bit embarrassed. Jessica laughed at him and ducked into the bathroom to change.

When she came out, John handed her a card. "Finch arranged for you to see a counselor. This woman comes highly recommended and she has lots of experience with women who have had violent stalkers. Her office is pretty close to your clinic. Finch has arranged to pay any bills, so you can see her as much as you need to."

"I don't know what to say John. You have been so wonderful throughout this whole ordeal."

John smiled down at her again, "No thanks are necessary. I called a car to take you home."

Jessica was wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair pushed by an orderly with John following behind carrying her bag. A car was idling at the curb outside the hospital.

Jessica looked up at him, "Are you coming?"

John looked down at her, feeling only the slightest twinge of regret, "No, I'm not done here yet."

"I'll wait for you. I should have before," her eyes were begging him.

He looked down at her, meeting her eyes, knowing he was about to do the right thing; all doubt was removed from his mind. "No, don't. I won't be coming. Ever."

"John, I still love you…" she said, putting her hand on his chest.

John laid his hand over hers and gently removed it from his chest, but he held it between his two hands while he looked her in the eye. He spoke as gently as he could. "Jessie, I know you think you do, but you don't love me, you don't know me anymore. I'm not the person I was in Mexico. You will always be asking me to change who I am."

"I just wanted a normal life, like you said you did. You said in the car when we driving into the city that you often wondered what life would have been like if you hadn't gone back to the Army after 9/11. We can do that now, we can fix our mistakes."

"I don't think we can and I don't think we should even if we could. We're not the same people we were back then."

Jessica's wide brown eyes looked at him pleadingly. "I thought you wanted a normal life?"

"I thought I did, but I've realized that I'm just not meant for a normal life. Do you remember when we ran into each other in the airport back in 2006? How you said you would wait for me if I asked you to, and I didn't? I realized last night why I didn't ask you, why I was unable to open my mouth back then. _I couldn't do it because it wasn't the right thing to do_.

"Jessica, I **am** what I do, it's a part of me. All I ever wanted to do is protect good people from bad things. Asking me to stop is like asking me to stop breathing."

Jessica's face grew angry and a tear dripped down her face, "Detective Carter understands, doesn't she? You're staying with her."

John nodded, "Yes, Joss doesn't just understand my need to help, she shares it. She loves **me**, the broken damaged man that I really am. She knows what I've done and she still thinks I'm a good man."

More tears made their way down Jessica's face, "I guess I can't compete with that."

John shook his head, "No, you can't."

Jessica didn't say anything else. She reached up and kissed John on the cheek. He opened the car door for her and she climbed in. He slammed the door shut and stepped back. The car glided out into traffic and John stood and watched as it turned the corner and vanished from sight. He thought he would feel sadder than he did right now, but knowing that he'd made the right decision made saying good bye easier.

John took a deep breath and turned to leave, but stopped when he saw a familiar figure standing a few yards away. He smiled at Joss and moved over to her. Breaking their long standing rules about no public displays of affection again, he threw his arms around her and held her tight.

"You didn't get in the car," Joss said, obviously puzzled.

"No, I didn't. I have everything I want and need right here." John reached out and put his hand under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. "What are you doing here, Joss?" He asked softly.

"I thought you would go with her, so I wanted to see you one last time," she confessed.

John felt ashamed. He had only himself to blame for how she felt. He'd held back with her throughout their relationship, afraid to lose himself again. Of course she would think he would return to the woman he lost himself in so long ago. He had done very little these last few days to show her she was his first choice, and quite a bit to show her she was second best.

John grabbed Joss and pulled her back into a tight hug, resting his cheek on top of her head. "I'm sorry I let myself get confused. I'm so sorry I hurt you; and I swear it won't happen again.

"Joss, I love you. You accept me as I am, you understand me, and you love me anyway. The only thing that will keep me from you is death and even then I would probably come back to haunt you."

"Even though I piss you off all the time?" Joss asked remembering their argument the previous day.

John buried his face in her hair and held her tighter, "I need someone to piss me off. And you are damn good at it."

Joss giggled and John reached into his pocket, withdrawing the small box he had shown Finch several days earlier. "I've been meaning to give you this."

Joss looked down at the box as he flipped it open, and gasped when she saw the ring nestled inside with a vine pattern carved into the band and Joss realized the pattern matched the tattoo on her hip perfectly.

"Oh, John," Joss managed to choke out before she burst into tears.

John hugged her closer. "You are my first and _only_ choice, don't ever forget that. I found my perfect woman and I am not going to let her get away. Marry me. Let's spend the rest of our lives together. Do you think you could put up with me forever?"

"There is nothing I would rather do, John," she managed to say through her tears.

John pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it on her left hand. "You're mine now" he whispered to her.

"You had me at Hello Detective," she whispered back. And they kissed passionately, ignoring the crowds that surged around them on the sidewalk.

Finch, watching on the security camera that was only few feet away, had to wipe his eyes. Then a slow smile spread across his face. "We have a wedding to plan," he said gleefully to Bear.

Bear wasn't sure what a "wedding" was, but if it made Glasses Man happy, it must be good, so he wagged his tail with delight.

* * *

** Once again, thanks for reading. My next fic is fluffy an happy with no angst in sight!**


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